


Now that you’re gone

by Santiagosbrooklyn



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Death, Ezra Santiago-peralta, F/M, Mentions of Death, Mourning, Oops, Sad, amy santiago - Freeform, brooklyn nine nine - Freeform, brooklyn99, it’s sad lmao, jake peralta - Freeform, sorry - Freeform, this made me cry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-27
Updated: 2018-05-27
Packaged: 2019-05-14 15:05:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14771930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Santiagosbrooklyn/pseuds/Santiagosbrooklyn
Summary: future fic, set after season 6. Amy mourns.





	Now that you’re gone

"Mama wake up!" Amy hears the familiar voice of her son as he bounces up and down on her bed only missing her sleeping body by a few inches. She groans and rolls over to face Ezra.

His curls sat on top of his head, way overdue for a haircut, and his brown eyes showed not a hint of tiredness. He reminded her so much of his father, and she would never get bored of admiring her son, a perfect image of both of them. She liked to think he looked loads more like his father though.

"Alright alright i'm awake baby, what's up." She chuckles as he lands next to her

"Today's daddy's special day." He says quietly, a grin on his chubby cheeks.

She feels a sinking feeling in her chest. It had been a year since it had happened. Amy was surprised Ezra even knew what day it was, him only being 5 years old.

She looks at him seriously for a moment, her smile only half shown on her face "How do you know that mijo?" 

"You told Abuela yesterday." He says simply

Ah. She remembers. She had told her mother in the hope Ezra wasn't listening seeing as he was sat on the floor playing with a truck, but seeing as Ezra was a bright kid, she constantly reminded herself to call it his 'special day' rather than a year since Jake Peralta, his dad, had died.

"Yeah sorry, I remember now." She says sadly and wraps her son up in a hug "We should go and see him Ez, what do you think?"

He nods enthusiastically "Can i show daddy my drawings?" 

She smiles, and tears sting her eyes. Fuck. She thought about how Jake would never get to see his son grow up. He'd never get to pick him up from school or play catch or draw with him. He was gone but she'd never let Ezra think he left on purpose.

A year ago he'd been chasing a perp just like he always did when suddenly he was surrounded by nine gang members, all of them with guns. He was killed in seconds and found a few hours later. She still remembers sobbing as she held his cold lifeless hand, sat on the concrete next to him, his head in her lap. She remembers telling him that she loves him, that she always has done. She remembers telling him how much his son loved him and how she would never let Ezra forget his own father. She remembers being pulled back by Rosa and Terry rubbing her back soothingly.  
"Come on Santiago, there's nothing you can do now." 

She thinks about how she walked into the precinct, two weeks later, followed around by wide stares and sympathetic looks. None of those looks or stares belonged to Jake, and this is the one place he'd usually be. Her bed was cold without him so most nights she'd crawl into Ezra's tiny bed, even when there was no room for her, and lie there with him.

Amy remembers having to break the news to Ezra. She told him that his daddy wasn't coming home that night, or ever. She told him that Jake had always loved him to the moon and back and tears prick her eyes when he says in his little voice:  
"I love him to the moon and back too." 

Now she's tugging on Ezra's shirt and making sure they have all their belongings before they leave. She remembers Ezra's drawings and tucks them away in her bag. 

"These are beautiful drawings mijo! Daddy will love them." She comments and chuckles at the big nose that Ezra's drawn on Jake's face. She can't believe he remembers what he looks like. even if it might be unintentional. 

"Will daddy like my suit?"

"He'll love it baby, he always said you'd look handsome in a suit just like his." 

Ezra insisted on wearing a suit. He'd picked it out last year for Jake's funeral but it wasn't traditionally black. It was bright blue with a pink tie, and she knows that if Jake were here he'd comment on how Ezra's suit choice meant he was 'definitely my son' and it brings a sad smile to her lips.

"You ready Ez?" She smiles down at her curly haired son and holds her hand out for him

"Yes mama" He smiles back up at her and tugs on her hand, eager to get going.

They arrive at the cemetery ten minutes later, finding the familiar spot immediately. Amy had insisted it be underneath the willow tree. There was something so calming about that to her, almost as if the tree was Jake and he was caring for his family sat beneath it.

"Hello daddy." Ezra says to the stone, sitting down in front of it. Amy sits next to her son and looks at the stone with sad eyes.

"Hey babe." She whispers "It's been a year. Me and Ez miss you, don't we baby?" 

"Yeah I miss you a lot daddy, and so does mama. I wish you could come back so mama isn't sad anymore. We know you didn't mean to go daddy, but it made mama sad." He babbles

"I'm sad that you aren't here to see what a handsome young man Ezra's turning into." her son turns to look at her, beaming at the compliment "He'll be 17 before you know it, Jake."

Tears once again sting her eyes as Ezra shoves the drawings forwards.  
"I drew us daddy, all of us. I know you aren't here but i put you in there because I know you are really there. You just had to go, but that's ok." 

"We forgive you, don't we mijo? We know we'll see you again one day Jake." She mumbles as her tears streak her face "Your son's one heck of an artist babe, he's painting stuff as good as picasso. I think he gets his creative side from you." 

If he was here he'd probably flash that boyish grin and say 'yeah he does'.  
But he's not.  
Gone.

"Daddy?" Ezra gets up this time, edging closer to the stone "I miss you. I love you to the moon and back." 

"Yeah, Jake. We love you. We love you so much." She smiles through her tears "Never forget that. It's been a year but it's been the hardest year of my life. You've been to florida and prison but this is the hardest because i know you're never coming back. The only thing keeping me going is Ezra, and I know you'd be proud of him. I love you, my love." 

And she swears she can almost hear that voice of his whisper to her that he loves her too.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi lads ! I’m soRRY ABT THAT LMAO i hope u found that ok + sorry if u cried :)) I didn’t proof read this so sorry if there’s a bunch or errors i whipped this up in like 15 mins lol. Follow my tumblr @santiagosbrooklyn ! please leave kudos and comments ty


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